Parallels
by Brenna
Summary: AU of the episode 'Meridian.' What if it had been Jack?
1. Chapter 1

The Stargate shut down abruptly moments after SG-1 emerged from the liquid blue event horizon with Jack O'Neill in the lead. The colonel didn't even break stride as he strode from the room with the rest of his team on his heels. 

Dr. Jackson stopped only long enough to inform General Hammond, "Jack's been exposed to high doses of radiation."

Hammond looked up at the control room and ordered, "Have a medical team meet them and inform Dr. Frasier of the situation."

Davis nodded down to his commanding officer as he grabbed the phone on the desk in front of him.

"What happened, Daniel?" Hammond asked as the two men jogged to catch up to the other three members of SG-1.

"Details are sketchy, sir" Daniel admitted. "Jack was observing some Colonan scientists while the rest of us were touring the city."

"Stay back," Jack commanded as he stepped back from the orderly who came towards them from the opposite direction. "Don't touch me."

"Let's get him scrubbed down. Do we know what kind and how much?" Janet asked as she caught up with her more long-legged colleague.

"It was a device housing an unstable radioactive variation of naquadah. We think his right hand was exposed to the equivalent of over 8-9 grades of neutron radiation resulting from direct contact. Full body exposure of over seven," Carter informed the doctor unable to keep the emotion from her voice.

"Oh my god," Janet moaned before putting her own emotions to the side to care for her friend. She led him into the infirmary leaving the others standing in the hall.

"Doctor?" Hammond asked Frasier's retreating back.

"It's a lethal dose, sir" Carter explained to their commanding officer as she turned back towards them with tears in her eyes..

An hour later, General Hammond entered the briefing room where the three uninjured members of SG-1 sat waiting at the conference table. "As you were. Dr. Fraiser tells me there's nothing more we can do for Colonel O'Neill at the moment. In the meantime, tell me what happened," he said.

The three teammates traded a look before Daniel shrugged and Carter began to speak. "Well sir, as you know from our initial reports, Colona is one of three major countries on 4C3. What we'd learned since our initial contact is that they seem to be at a similar stage of development to that of the United States in the 1940's. Geo-politically there is obvious mounting tension between the nations," she explained.

Daniel interrupted, "Like our Cold War, sir."

Carter nodded before continuing, "The Colonans discovered their Stargate approximately 15 years ago. Unearthing it along with a number of Goa'uld artifacts in what appears to be an ancient temple."  
  
"Their knowledge of the Gate is still limited," Teal'c added.  
  
"But their interest is strong. When we told them what we could offer, they were eager to share any technologies they were developing that could potentially be offered in exchange," Carter said. She described their meeting with Jonas Quinn. 

"He's an advisor to the High Minister," Daniel explained. "Their equivalent to our President. As we understand it, Jonas was responsible for overseeing the research from an ethical perspective. He had several degrees from their most honored education institution. Social Studies, Ancient Colonan history…He was a nerd, sir. He and Jack got along great," Daniel joked sarcastically before explaining what they knew of the Colonan experiment. He finished his explanation of the Colonan experiment by saying, "They were making a bomb sir."  
  
Carter qualified Daniel's description by saying, "They were far from achieving a deliverable weapon but if successful it would have been as powerful as a Naquadah enhanced nuclear warhead."  
  
Teal'c said, "The Colonans claim they were under the threat of oppression from their neighboring nations and the weapon would only be used to ensure their freedom."  
  
General Hammond said, "Sounds like a situation we would have to be very careful about getting involved in."  
  
"Yes sir," Carter agreed.  
  
"I'm not sure we need to worry about that, General" Daniel said.  
  
"How so?" Hammond asked.  
  
Daniel said, "I don't think they want our help any longer."  
  
"Something to do with how Colonel O'Neill was exposed to that much radiation?" he asked.

Carter said, "We were touring the city. Jack was at the research facility with Jonas. He was observing their naquadria experiments. He wanted to assess the situation more closely."  
  
Daniel objected, "Still, we don't know…"  
  
Hammond demanded, "What do you know?"  
  
Daniel cast a sideways look at Sam knowing how difficult it would be to say these words aloud.

"Sir, they're claiming Colonel O'Neill sabotaged their research," Carter said.  
  
"They're lying, General," Daniel argued.  
  
"I also do not believe this to be true," Teal'c said adding the weight of his own statement to that of Dr. Jackson.

"They let us bring him back home on compassionate grounds," Carter said quietly.  
  
"The fact is, they just didn't want us around there anymore," Daniel admitted.  
  
"But they are demanding that he be returned to face the charges if he survives," Carter told him bitterly.

"What does Colonel O'Neill say happened?" Hammond asked. The three members of SG-1 traded a look which clearly indicated they weren't really sure. "Let's find out then shall we?" the general commanded as he rose from the conference table and led the others back to the infirmary.


	2. Chapter 2

As Jack sat on one of the beds in the the SGC infirmary as his hand was re-bandaged by one of the nurses he explained to his friends, "Doc says nausea will be followed by tremors, convulsions and something called at...at..."

"Attaxia," Carter supplied quietly.

"Right that," O'Neill agreed as he gestured to her with his bandaged hands. "Surface tissue, brain tissue and internal organs will inflame and degrade, I believe that's called necro-some-sis. Now based on the dose of radiation I got, all that will happen in the next 10-15 hours and if I don't drown in my own fluids first, I will bleed to death and there is no medical treatment to prevent that."  
  
"Maybe not that we know of," Daniel refuted.  
  
"Daniel, we don't go running to our off-world allies every time one life's at stake. No good telling me that this is any different because my life is no more valuable than anybody elses," Jack said. "I was just doing my job."

"It isn't your job, Jack!" Daniel objected. "It's not your job to die."

"It is, Daniel. Have you forgotten how we met? It's my job to save lives," Jack reminded him. "Even if I have to die to do it. If I had just stood there the thing would have exploded."

Daniel looked away from his friend as the memories of their first mission to Abydos flooded his mind for a moment. "What happened, Jack?" Daniel asked after a few minutes.

"Doesn't matter," Jack replied.  
  
"Yes it does. You didn't try to sabotage anything," Daniel argued.  
  
"There was an accident. I guess the geeks figured the government would hold them responsible," Jack said before adding, "I guess they figured it was easier to blame me."  
  
"And you're okay with this?" Carter asked.  
  
"No," O'Neill answered, "but there's not much I can do about that."  
  
"Yes, there is!" Daniel demanded.  
  
"If they really want to blame me, denying it isn't going to change anything. We've done something similar on this planet and almost blew ourselves to Hell. I tried telling them that, they wouldn't listen. They're gonna build that bomb and nothing we say is gonna stop them," Jack said with a hint of defeat in his voice.

"Jack..." Daniel cajoled his friend.

"No, Daniel" Jack told him. "Let it go. Life's full of little ironies isn't it. When we met I wanted to die, and I didn't. Now that I want to live again. I'm going to die."

There was nothing Daniel could say to that statement so he turned away and stormed out of the infirmary.

"I'll talk to him, Jack" Hammond said as he squeezed the other man's shoulder. Jack nodded and watched as the general followed Daniel from the room. It didn't take Hammond long to track down the young archaeologist, but he decided to wait on confronting the other man until he'd checked on their progress in contacting their off-world allies. It was two hours before he entered Daniel's office with a quiet knock. "The Asgard are still not responding, Dr. Jackson. We've tried to reach Jacob Carter but last we heard he's on a mission to recover the last remaining undercover Tok'ra," he told Daniel.

"General, we do have intelligence on a sarcophagus," Daniel argued.  
  
"SG-3's mission report 2 months ago?" Hammond asked.  
  
"Yes, sir" Daniel replied.

Hammond sighed as he said, "You know better than anyone the negative effects of that technology, Doctor."  
  
"Jack's been in one of those things before. Once more won't hurt," Daniel objected. "We know we can cure the addiction."   
  
Hammond replied, "SG-3's report clearly indicated the sarcophagus is heavily guarded and likely retrieving it would result in significant casualties which is why I did not order a recovery mission at the time."  
  
"Sir..." Daniel begged the general.  
  
"Daniel, please don't think you're alone in your feelings on this matter," Hammond gently rebuked the younger man. It was as far as he could go in stating his deep friendship with Jack and the anguish he felt at what Jack was going through.  
  
"Yes sir," Daniel acknowledged. "I'm...I'm going to check on Sam." 

Hammond nodded and watched Jackson take off knowing he had failed the younger man. He hoped that Sam could do better at getting past the Air Force indoctrination about expressing emotions to give Daniel the support he needed. They needed each other's support right now. Sam would no doubt take this harder even than Daniel. Hammond closed his eyes as he let himself acknowledge just what Sam and Jack had given up for the sake of Earth and their respective careers. A decision he had no doubt they were regretting now.

* * *

As Daniel entered Sam's lab he asked, "Got anything?"  
  
"Well I've been doing some calculations," she explained as she hugged herself as if to ward away a chill.  
  
"Anything to help Jack?" he asked pointedly as he came to stand in front of her workstation.  
  
Sam sighed. "I wish. Based on the amount of radiation the Colonans say Jack was exposed to, I've estimated the amount of energy that would have been generated by the experiment," she said.  
  
"And?"  
  
"The potential's astronomical, Daniel. Even a very small amount of the unstable element they're working with emitted a pulse of energy far greater than anything I've ever believed possible. Much more than weapons grade naquadah would have. It would require a massive nuclear reaction to even approach this level," she told him with more than a small amount of excitement.

"So?" Daniel asked confusedly  
  
"This could be the missing link we've been looking for in terms of generating the kind of energy I believe is necessary to create a hyperspace window. Or to generate and sustain the kind of shields the Goa'uld have been using to protect their ships. Daniel, we have to get some of this element," Sam said.

"I don't like it," Daniel argued. "What they're doing, Sam."

"It's none of our business, Daniel" Sam argued.

"How can you say that!?" Daniel gasped. "Jack's going to die because of what they're doing."

"Yes, he is" Sam agreed blinking back the tears in her eyes. "But he's not going to die for nothing, Daniel. I won't let that happen. All this...what he's going through. It has to mean something, Daniel."

"Let's take it up with the general," Daniel suggested. After five years working together, they both knew that neither of them were likely to change their opinions about the naquadria.

As soon as they exited the solitude of the lab Sam visibly straightened as she sniffed away the tears threatening to fall and forced herself to become the perfect image of an Air Force officer. Daniel sighed inwardly as he let his supporting hand drop. _'Damn the military,'_ he thought. _ 'Damn the regs. She can't even grieve for him!'_

Twenty minutes later, Sam finished explaining her tests to Hammond as they sat at the conference table in the briefing room.

"By now their government believes Jack was trying to sabotage their research," the general reminded them.  
  
"It's a lie. They're using the colonel as a scapegoat," Sam argued.  
  
"Still you said he was vocal in his disapproval of their project before the accident. None of this bodes well for diplomatic relations," Hammond agreed.  
  
"Why are you talking about diplomatic relations? This is Jack's life," Daniel reminded them needlessly.  
  
"Daniel, I know how you feel, but I cannot stress enough how valuable this element could be," Sam reminded him.

"I'll draft a letter to the Colonan leader.."  
  
"General, you cannot capitulate to these people. What they're doing..." Daniel argued.  
  
"Their government doesn't know the truth," Hammond reminded him.  
  
"So we tell them," Daniel suggested.  
  
"They will have little reason to believe us over their own people especially when what we're forcing them to admit would be a major embarrassment. It would put them at too great a disadvantage in further negotiations," Hammond said.

"Sir, you cannot admit Jack is guilty," Daniel plead.  
  
"Give me some credit, Daniel. I will tell them that we did not order any such action and do not condone its obvious intentions. Both of which are true. Hopefully we can lay the groundwork for further diplomatic negotiations which will eventually result in an amicable trade for the naqadria. I'm ordering you to deliver the letter," he told Carter.

"Yes, sir" she acknowledged.


	3. Chapter 3

The three healthy members of SG-1 stood waiting at the bottom of the ramp as the inner ring of the Stargate whirled around as the chevron's locked into place for the Colonan world. 

"Wormhole engaged," Davis reported through the microphone as the event horizon kawooshed into place in the center of the ancient device.

Teal'c led the way up the ramp followed by Daniel and finally Carter who turned and saluted General Hammond who stood watching in the control room. Hammond returned the salute and nodded before Carter turned and entered the 'Gate. 

As Sam and Teal'c took the letter to the Colonan government officials, Daniel set out on his own personal mission to find Jonas. "Hey," he called as he jogged to catch up with the other man.  
  
"Doctor Jackson," Quinn greeted him. "I'm surprised to see you."

"We brought a letter from my superior to your leaders," Daniel explained.

"Ah. That's an apology?" Quinn asked.  
  
Daniel snorted, "Yeah, hardly. You see, we know you're lying through your teeth."

"How is Colonel O'Neill?" Jonas asked.

"How do you think?" Daniel shot back letting his anger break through his control.  
  
"I'm sorry," Quinn said with some sincerity. "Two of the other scientists in the room are dead; the other two will be shortly. Their deaths were horrific."  
  
"Our superior thinks that denying the allegations against Jack would be a waste of time," Daniel explained.  
  
"He's a wise man. What I don't understand is why your government is even trying to maintain a relationship with us?" Jonas asked.  
  
"Because Major Carter believes that the naquadria you're experimenting with could make a difference in our fight against the Goa'uld," Daniel explained. "Our government still thinks they can negotiate for it."  
  
"The naquadria is very spare and extremely valuable to us. I doubt that my government would ever agree to that," Jonas admitted.  
  
"That's what I figured," Daniel sighed.  
  
"I don't understand then," Quinn said.  
  
"I only came along so I could see you," Daniel said. "I'm not going let you tarnish Jack's reputation. See, I don't care about the naquadria. My government will admit Jack's guilty over my dead body." Daniel enunciated the last three words with a deadly calm reflected in the flat look in his eyes.  
  
"What do you want from me?" Jonas asked nervously.  
  
"Tell the truth," Daniel ordered.  
  
Jonas hesitated slightly before saying, "I can't. Even if I wanted to, without the support of the other scientists..."  
  
"Yes, you can!" Daniel growled. "You just have to say the words."

"Doctor Jackson, we desperately need the weapon we're developing. Without it, the Colonan people could easily fall to our rival nations who are developing their own powerful weapons as we speak. Now we're willing to do whatever's necessary to ensure our freedom and a lasting peace on this planet," Jonas argued.  
  
"Let me tell you something, Jonas. I think this was the point Jack was trying to make to you. A weapon of mass destruction can only be used for one thing. Now you might think it will ensure peace and freedom but I guarantee you it'll never have the effect you're hoping for until you use it at least once. We know this because we've been where you are. We built things called nuclear bombs, and we used them. It's a terrible thing, Jonas," Daniel told him.

"Once we've used it though..." Jonas argued.

"It didn't ensure peace, Jonas!" Daniel said urgently. "It started something called an arms race. We built our bomb and the other side built theirs just a little bit better. So we built bigger bombs, and they built bigger bombs. The bombs kept getting bigger and more destructive until we had the ability to destroy our entire world dozens of times over, but we still didn't have peace! We've learned from our mistakes though. The reason we want that stuff is because we think it could be used to create defense shields. But you just go ahead, blow yourself to Hell with it," Daniel concluded before storming off to find his teammates.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam leaned against the wall in the infirmary watching as a nurse changed Jack's bandages. "He looks awful," she whispered as Janet came to stand beside her.  
  
Janet looked at her friend solemnly before telling her, "It's gonna get a lot worse, and it's gonna happen fast."

"Are you sure you're doing everything you can?" she plead with her friend.  
  
"Sedatives and painkillers. That's all we can really do," Frasier admitted dejectedly. "Sam, you have no idea how painful this is gonna get. You know, I would never normally say this, it goes against everything I've been trained to do, but the truth is he'd be a lot better off if I…"

Sam turned to look at Janet before turning her attention to where Teal'c, Daniel, and General Hammond stood watching in the observation room. She watched Hammond nod his consent before turning her attention back to the device concealed in her hand. Sam pushed away from the wall and approached the bed on which Jack rested. "Colonel," she called softly. "I didn't suggest this before because the truth is, I'm not really sure what I'm doing with this thing. I could make things worse."

Jack turned his head slightly towards her. "Do it, Carter," he whispered painfully.

Sam slowly lifted the healing device and the ruby like jewel in it's center began to glow. The effect on Jack was nearly instantaneous.  
  
"He's seizing!" Janet shouted as she pushed Sam out of the way in her haste to get to her patient. "Get the crash cart; give me 5 of Valium."  
  
"I'm sorry," Sam cried. "I'm sorry," she said again as Daniel entered the room and pulled her out of the way. He held her as the medical team continued to work on Jack.  
  
"Help me get him on his side," Janet commanded. "Valium's in. Set up an ambubag. Draw 2 grams of magnesium sulphate. Put him back, easy."  
  
Jack heard Janet giving these orders to her staff, and then suddenly found himself walking along the corridors of the SGC towards the 'Gate room. _'I'm having one of those out of body things,'_ he thought to himself. _'Daniel will love this.' _ He entered the 'Gate room to find a civilian standing on the ramp. She turned to him, and he suddenly knew without a doubt who he was looking at.

"Your fate is in your hands," she told him.

Jack felt himself being pulled back to the pain of his body in the infirmary. He stirred with a groan and opened his eyes.

"Hey, Jack" Daniel said quietly. 

"I hear that Sam thinks the naquadria might be an important discovery," Jack said hoping that talking to Daniel would keep his mind off the pain he was in as he dismissed what he'd just seen as the first in what he was sure to be many pain induced visions.  
  
"Yeah, apparently" Daniel agreed. "If we can get some. For what it's worth, I tried again to get the point across to Jonas."  
  
"He's in a tough position," Jack said absolving the young Colonan scholar of his part in what had happened.  
  
"You're not going to take the fall for this, Jack" Daniel promised. "I don't care what's at stake."  
  
"I do," Jack told him. 

"This will not be your last act on official record," Daniel said again.   
  
"Oma," Jack said as he once again felt himself drifting from his body.  
  
"What?" Daniel asked at this apparent change of subject. "Jack?"

Jack couldn't hear him however as he once again found himself standing before the woman in white on the ramp before the Stargate. "Oma Desala. You look different," Jack said.  
  
"Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eye you have mis-seen," she said.  
  
"Riiight," Jack drawled out slowly. "What did you mean when you said my fate is in my hands?"  
  
"When the mind is enlightened the spirit is freed and body matters not," Oma replied.  
  
"You're talking about ascension, right?" Jack asked. "Rising to a different plane of existence. Are you saying that I could do that? Become like you? What do I do?"  
  
"Release your burden," Oma commanded.  
  
"Okay, well consider it released," Jack said. "What's step two?"   
  
"A tall man cannot hide in the short grass," Oma said.

"You know, really, I don't have time for one of these kind of conversations." Jack commented angrily.

"One cannot reach enlightenment by running from death," she gently rebuked.

Jack sighed. "Tell me what to do."  
  
"Many roads lead to the Great Path. Only the willing will find their way," she said.  
  
"Okay, well I'm willing. So let's go. I mean, you know, do your thing. Glow me," Jack commanded.  
  
"The river tells no lies. Though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them."  
  
"Right. I didn't think it was gonna be that easy," he admitted.


	5. Chapter 5

Daniel heard a tap on the glass window of the observation room and looked up to see General Hammond standing with Jonas Quinn looking down. He stood quickly and made his way to them. "What are you doing here?" he asked.  
  
"Your commander was kind enough to grant me passage. I brought this. Naquadria. Took as much as I could," Jonas informed him.  
  
"Why?" Daniel asked.  
  
"The data recorded during that accident demonstrated the potential power of the weapon unlike anything collected previously. I really don't know what was worse, seeing my colleagues die in the manner they did, or seeing the looks of utter glee on our leaders faces when they were told the potential power of this weapon. They wanted to know when it could be demonstrated. I told them the truth about what happened," Jonas said.

"Tell us," Hammond ordered. 

Jonas did as Hammond asked describing the accident in the lab and the other scientists fleeing the danger.

"He took out his weapon and shot the window," Jonas said. "He removed the core and prevented the explosion. I am ashamed that they would not bring themselves to recognize the colonel's heroism. He saved millions of lives." 

"He saved more than that. If he hadn't removed the core, your planet probably wouldn't still be there," Sam said from the doorway. She didn't wait for a reply before turning away and heading down to the room below.

The three men watched as she entered the room and gently took O'Neill's hand in her own. General Hammond and Daniel traded a look but said nothing. They both knew what Sam and Jack had sacrificed. They had waited hoping to have their chance someday. It appeared now that that someday would never come.

"Just so you know," Sam whispered to him. "Jonas had a change of heart. He stole some naquadria for us. He took a big risk, he said it was because of what you did. I think it could be important, and I wanted you to know that. You have an effect on people, Jack. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew." Unable to hold the tears back any longer, Sam began to cry in earnest.

A part of Jack heard her and saw her tears as he sat with Oma in the 'Gate room. "You can never reach enlightenment if you do not believe you are worthy," Oma told him.  
  
"Then I guess we may have a problem," Jack said. "Because I'm not worthy of what she feels for me. I should have done more."

"The future's never certain. You saved many without regard for your own life," Oma reminded him.  
  
"Could have destroyed the device," Jack argued.  
  
"You believe your journey is not over?" she asked.  
  
"Actually I'm not entirely sure what the point of my journey so far has been, I mean if this is about being honest with yourself. I believe my entire life has been a failure," Jack said as he turned to look once again at his weeping second in command. He thought of Sara and how he had hurt her as well. Most of all he thought of Charlie. He still felt he'd failed his son.

"Why do you feel you have failed on your journey? Your son chose his own path," Oma said.  
  
"He was just a kid!" Jack reminded the alien woman as Sam continued to weep at his bedside.  
  
"You helped free the people of Abydos," she argued. "Had your son not chosen that path, that would not have come to pass."  
  
Jack turned away from Oma and returned to his own bedside to look down at Sam where she gently held his hand. His hand hovered over her bent head as he watched her tears silently fall. "I had the chance to live out my life with her. I couldn't leave this," Jack said waving his hand around to encompass the whole SGC. "Every Goa'uld we helped eliminate, another one took it's place. Maybe we did something good every now and again, but nothing I've ever done seems to have changed anything. We waited for our chance and now it's not going to come."  
  
"These tasks of which you speak were great challenges. Perhaps they were even impossible to achieve," Oma said.  
  
"Does that make it any better?" Jack asked.  
  
"You feel your journey must continue until you have found redemption for these decisions?" Oma asked.  
  
"No. No more. I'm dead," Jack reminded her.  
  
"Exactly true," the alien woman agreed.  
  
"You said I was the only one qualified to judge myself? So however much I want to achieve enlightenment or whatever you want to call it, what happens if I look at my life and I don't honestly believe I deserve it?" he questioned.  
  
Oma told him, "The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength of which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way."  
  
"What if I can't?" he whispered gazing once again at Sam before once more finding himself in his own pain wracked body. "Sam," he whispered.

"I'm here, Jack" she replied equally as quiet. 

"Talk to me," he urged. 

"It's not fair!" she said. "We played by the rules, damn it. This can't happen. It can't."

"Life's not fair, Sam" Jack reminded her. _'If life were fair,' _he thought. _ 'We'd be married like in that other reality. Maybe have a kid of our own by now.'_

"I wanted..." she started to tell him but couldn't choke off the sob that erupted from her throat. 

"I wanted too," Jack admitted before drifting off once more.

Daniel, Janet and Teal'c entered the infirmary and noticed Sam crying quietly beside the still figure of their commander. Daniel traded a look with the other two and then stepped forward putting his arms around Sam. "Come on, Sam" he said quietly. "Janet needs to change his bandages, and then Teal'c wants to talk to him for a bit."

Sam nodded as she noticed the statue in Teal'c's arms. She let Daniel lead her out of the room not bothering this time to wipe the tears from her eyes. Janet made quick work of changing the bandages then stepped out of the room leaving Teal'c alone with his friend.

"DanielJackson once gave me this. He said that its spirit would one day serve it's owner in the afterlife," Teal'c explained as he put it down on the tray beside Jack's bed. 

Standing outside himself next to Teal'c, Jack said, "Thanks. I'm not dead yet, but… I guess it doesn't look so good right now." 

Teal'c, of course, didn't hear his reply. "If you are to die O'Neill, I wish you to know that I believe that the fight against the Goa'uld will have lost one of it's greatest warriors." He paused before saying, "And I will have lost one of my greatest friends." Jack watched Teal'c salute him before Oma called his attention back to her.

"The people closest to you have been trying to tell you, you have made a difference. That you did change things for the better," she said.  
  
"Not enough," Jack replied sadly as Sam returned to the room with Daniel and Janet in tow.  
  
"The universe is vast and we are so small. There is only one thing we can truly control," Oma told him.  
  
"What's that?" he idly asked as he slowly turned to look at her.  
  
"Whether we are good or evil," she said staring into his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

"Obviously they do not know I am here. I was lucky enough to be able to access our Stargate. If I am caught returning to my planet I will be considered a traitor," Jonas said quietly as he stood in the observation room above the isolation room.  
  
"What do you want?" General Hammond asked.  
  
Jonas paused considering his words carefully. "I do not believe my people will ever truly support a war that leads to any kind of mass destruction. Our leaders just don't see any viable alternative right now. Promise me, if you're able to develop defense technologies such as these shields that you spoke of, you'll share them with my Government."  
  
"Of course," Hammond agreed just before the klaxon began to blare.

Through the PA they heard Sgt. Davis report, "Unauthorized incoming wormhole."  
  
"Wait here," Daniel ordered Jonas as he and the general sprinted out the door towards the control room.  
  
"Receiving Tok'ra IDC, sir" Davis reported as the two men entered the room.  
  
"All defense teams on high alert," the general ordered as he came to stand behind the technician to watch the guards enter the room.  
  
"High alert. Repeat high alert," Davis ordered into the PA.  
  
As the guards took up their customary positions in front of the Stargate, General Hammond ordered, "Open the iris." Moments later Jacob Carter landed on the ramp with thud. "Stand down," Hammond ordered as he and Daniel made their way down to the Gate room to meet the Tok'ra. As Jacob walked down the ramp towards his friends, Hammond said, "Sorry about that Jacob. Given what's happening with the Tok'ra lately we had to be sure it was you."

"Understood. What's going on?" he asked curiously.  
  
"It's Jack," Daniel said. Jacob and Hammond followed quickly behind Daniel as he lead the way out of the room. The two SGC men detailing what had happened to Colonel O'Neill as they led Jacob towards the infirmary.  
  
"Hey Sam. I'm so sorry," Jacob said quietly as he came to stand next to her at Jack's bedside. Jacob knew perhaps better than Daniel and Hammond just what his daughter and O'Neill felt for one another as Anise had felt it was her duty to inform him of what had transpired during the za'tarc testing.  
  
"I tried this. It didn't work," Sam told her father with a slight hitch in her voice holding the healing device out towards him.  
  
Jacob took the device from her as he said, "We'll do our best." He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze then activated the healing device. When he spoke next it was with the resonate quality of his symbiote, Selmak. ** _"His condition is grave. I do not know if I can save him. Even if I can, I do not believe I can restore his full healthy state,"_** he admitted as he allowed the glowing jewel to darken.  
  
"Do what you can," Sam asked.  
  
Jacob nodded before turning back towards the still figure on the bed and activating the healing device again.

Jack felt himself drift away from his body and once more found himself standing with Oma Desala in the Gate room. Jack felt his breath catch as he watched Oma walk up the ramp towards the active Stargate. "You're leaving. You can't leave," he demanded.  
  
Oma replied, "The rest is up to you."  
  
"Why, why me? Why...why give me this chance?" Jack asked.  
  
"Anyone can reach enlightenment. Anyone prepared to open their mind as you have done these past years," she told him.

He started to protest, but then really thought about the changes in himself these last years. On that first mission through the Stargate he'd been willing to die to destroy the population of an entire planet. He'd still been willing to die, but this time it was to _**save**_ the population of an entire planet. On Abydos he'd welcomed death like a friend. Now he'd do anything to avoid this fate. "They're trying to save me," Jack said. "They're healing me, I can feel it."  
  
"Then your journey will continue as before," Oma said.  
  
"What if I don't want it to? Not that way," Jack said. "I heard what Jacob said. They can't really heal me. Just delay my death. I don't want to live that way."  
  
"Walking the Great Path brings great responsibility. You cannot fear it nor hesitate in your resolve," she warned him.  
  
"I understand. I'm ready to go with you," Jack said. "But there's one thing I need before I go."  
  
Oma smiled at him gently in understanding before nodding.  
  
"How?" Jack asked.  
  
Jack turned and found himself in the infirmary watching Jacob attempt to heal him. Jack hesitantly reached out and touched Sam on her shoulder bringing her to him in the Gate room with Oma.

"Colonel?" she asked whirling around to face him.

"Yeah," he said stepping close to her.

"How?" she stuttered unknowingly repeating his own question to Oma moments before.

Jack gestured to the woman standing on the ramp as the Stargate activated once more. "You remember Oma?"  
  
"Sure," she replied vaguely.   
  
"I'm going with Oma. I need you to tell Jacob to stop, Carter" Jack asked quietly.

"Colonel...Jack," she begged him. "Please..."

"It's gotta be this way, Sam" Jack said taking her into his arms. "I think I can do more this way. It's what I want, but I have to go now. Everything's gonna be fine. It doesn't have to be forever. Right Oma?" 

"The future is never set," she confirmed with a small mysterious smile.

"God," Sam sobbed as she wrapped her own arms around his waist.

"Tell Dad to stop," Jack asked again.  
  
"You're just giving up," Sam accused him angrily.  
  
"No," Jack denied. "No, I'm not giving up. Believe me. Sam, I heard what Jacob said. He can't heal me. He can only prolong the dying. I've had training with nukes. Janet didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Even if he can keep me from dying today, I'd develop some form of cancer within a few months. Instead of a day it would maybe take a couple years for cancer to take me."

"Jack..." Sam moaned.

"I want more than just a year or so of dying, Sam" Jack said. "We'll have to wait a while longer. Maybe a lot longer, but eventually we'll be together. I want to be with you for a very long time."

Sam looked over at Oma then. "You'll come back for me?" she bargained. "If something happens, you'll come back."

Oma smiled sadly but nodded. 

At her nod Sam found herself back in the infirmary watching her father try to heal Jack. "Dad, stop" she said quietly.

"Are you serious?" Jacob asked.

Sam drew in a deep shuddering breath before saying, "It's what he wants."  
  
Jacob searched the faces of the others in the room for some sign of what to do. "Someone else want to tell me what to do?" he asked.  
  
"Just let him go," Sam repeated.  
  
Jacob allowed the glowing jewel to dim as Sam stepped forward and took Jack's hand in her own. Moments later the machines monitoring him began to beep.  
  
"Sam!" Janet shouted the admonishment as she came forward to begin resuscitating Jack only to be stopped by the look in Sam's eyes.   
  
As Jack's body began to glow and dissipate, Sam blinked and found herself back in the Gate room with Oma and Jack.

"I'm gonna miss you," Jack said as he continued to hold Sam tightly to him. "I'll find a way back, Sam. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that, Jack."


	7. Chapter 7

Jacob woke confused at first not recognizing where he had fallen asleep. As his eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness around him, Jacob realized he was in the spare bedroom of his daughter's home. With that realization the events of only a few hours ago came crashing down on him. Jack O'Neill was gone. After the light show, George had ordered the remaining members of SG-1 home to rest knowing Sam and Daniel at least were likely to bury themselves in work in a futile attempt to ignore what had happened. Hammond had found someone to take Daniel home while Jacob took charge of Sam. In the deeply spiritual way that was so much a part of him, Teal'c had retreated to his quarters to meditate. It wasn't his grief that had woken Jacob. though he did grieve for the irreverent colonel he'd befriended over the past few years. He pushed the covers off himself. Jacob moved quickly down the hall to Sam's bedroom knowing with a father's sixth sense that whatever had woken him, it revolved around her. He quietly pushed open the door to her bedroom to peek inside then pushed it wider as he saw the empty bed. 

In only a few minutes, Jacob had checked the entire house. He had returned to the guest room and quickly dressed before returning to the last place he'd looked for Sam, the garage. Her car was still parked inside, but the motorcycle she'd lovingly restored over the past few years was gone. Jacob grabbed the spare set of keys from the hook where Sam kept them and backed the car from the garage. He had a fairly good idea where his daughter had gone.

Twenty minutes later he pulled in beside Sam's motorcycle. He pulled the key from the ignition of Sam's little sports car but sat there for several minutes debating with himself just what he should do. He knew Sam would be embarrassed to have him find her here. He didn't want to embarrass her, but he couldn't just leave her here by herself. With Selmak's urging, he got out of the car and approached the closed door. His first thought had been to go around back to the rooftop observatory, but he somehow knew that wasn't where he'd find Sam tonight. He quietly turned the handle then breathed a sigh of relief to find it unlocked. He'd only been here a few times in the past few years. The first time had been during his first visit with his daughter after his joining with Selmak. On each of the previous occasions he'd never ventured beyond the first floor. Jacob climbed the stairs as quietly as he could. He looked in each door in turn before finding what he was looking for at the end of the hall. 

He wasn't even aware of the tears that fell as he looked into the master bedroom through the half open door. Jacob could vividly recall being where his daughter was now. After his wife's funeral, he'd retreated to their bedroom. He'd told the children he was still suffering from jet lag and was going to lie down to rest for awhile. He'd laid down, but not to rest. From beneath his wife's pillow, he'd pulled her practical cotton nightgown. He'd buried his face in it and inhaled his wife's unique scent. He'd cried like a baby until he'd finally given in to how exhausted he truly was and fallen asleep. The next morning he'd put the nightgown back under the pillow and gotten up knowing Mark and Sam needed him, but every night after he would pull her nightgown from beneath the pillow and drape it over his own so that as he fell asleep he could pretend, at least for a little while, that his wife lay next to him. Sam had taken over the domestic chores for her mother, but Jacob had insisted on cleaning his bedroom not wanting anything in that room changed. It wasn't until he was next transferred that his wife's belongings had finally been boxed up and placed in storage. 

Sam lay in the center of the large king-sized bed cocooned in the cotton bedding. Her arms were wrapped tightly around a pillow damp with her tears. Jacob knew without looking that the black cotton covering his daughter's shoulders was that of Jack O'Neill's t-shirt and not one of her own. The bed dipped slightly as Jacob sat on the edge, but Sam didn't wake. He touched her shoulder lightly as he whispered, "Sam. Wake up, princess." 

"Dad?" she murmured in confusion as she lifted her head from the pillow. Her voice was rough from crying. Jacob's keen eyes noticed her red swollen eyes and the tear tracks trailing down her cheeks. "How?" she asked still in the confused state somewhere between sleep and truly being awake.

"Anise," Jacob whispered in reply as he brushed a fallen blonde lock from her face.

"Dad, the colonel and I _**never**_..."

"I know," he told her lifting her by her shoulders into a sitting position. He wrapped her in a crushingly tight hug. "And that makes it even worse doesn't it, baby?"

Fresh tears poured down Sam's face as her entire body shook with the force of her sobs. Jacob rocked them both side to side as he murmured soothingly to her. When her tears quieted, Sam pulled back from her father's embrace. "He's not dead," she stated militantly.

"I heard the explanation," Jacob soothed.

"He spoke to me at the end," Sam admitted. "In my head..." 

Jacob watched his daughter stare at him waiting for his response. The expression on her face made it more than clear she didn't expect him to believe her which to be honest would be the reaction of most, but then most people didn't have a sentient snake living in their head either. "What did he say?" Jacob asked.

Sam's expression turned to one of guarded relief that he hadn't dismissed her out of hand. "He said he knew you couldn't really heal him," she told her father.

"Selmak and I would have done our best," Jacob temporized.

Sam squeezed her father's hand between both of hers. "I know you would have," she assured him. "So did he, but it wouldn't have been enough. All you could have done was delayed his death a few months. Jack had training with nukes. He knew what he was in for if you'd managed to stop him from dying today."

Jacob nodded. 

"He said he'd find a way to come back," Sam whispered. "He promised."

"Then he will," Jacob told his daughter. "Jack O'Neill keeps his word."

Sam nodded slowly.

Jacob swept an appraising look over her from head to toe. "Sleep, baby" he told her as he gently shifted her so that she lay on her side. He tucked the covers back around her. "You need to sleep," he repeated brushing a wisp of hair from her forehead. Jacob rose from the bed and padded quietly over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. He pulled the throw from over the top and draped it over himself before closing his eyes to sleep.

In the corner of the room, a solemn figure took one last look at the woman in the bed then turned and stepped directly through the wall having done what he could for her by leading Jacob here.


	8. Chapter 8

Two other figures were waiting for him when Jack left Sam and her father. "I've got a couple more stops to make," he informed them. "then you can tell me what the Hell you need me for."

"We thought to offer our help in adjusting to this new existence," Orlin hesitantly explained.

"You don't really expect me to buy that load of bunk do you?" Jack asked Sam's former uninvited houseguest.

"No," Oma admitted with a mysterious little half-smile that Jack just knew he was going to grow to absolutely hate. "You are much more than you at first appear, Colonel."

"And suddenly the mystical monks of the Orient crap disappears as well," Jack noted with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"The Others were watching," she explained. "Now that you have made your decision, they have gone."

Jack sighed. "Wait here," he told them before stepping through yet another wall into the apartment of Dr. Daniel Jackson. The sight that greeted him was definitely not what he had expected. In fact, it was a sight that he had long since decided he would never see. Daniel was drunk. This was not the slight buzz Jack was used to seeing when it came to Daniel and booze. Daniel was, to put it bluntly, shit-faced. He sat on the floor in front of his couch with a nearly empty bottle of bourbon in his hand. An empty glass sat abandoned on the table next to a second bottle of bourbon completely empty. "Danny," Jack admonished as he reached out to touch his friend's shoulder.

"Wha'!" Daniel exclaimed as he turned towards the sound of his name losing his balance and sliding towards the floor. "Hallu'nating...drunker than I thought," Daniel mumbled as he unsteadily righted himself.

"Drunker than I thought I'd ever see you," Jack agreed. "What are you doing, Danny!"

"Gettin' drunk" Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D. replied as if his current behavior made all the sense in the world.

"I see that," Jack acknowledged as he squatted down to look his friend in the eye. "Now cut it out!"

"Probably should," Daniel admitted. "Talking to hallu'nation can't be good."

"I'm not an hallucination, Daniel" Jack informed his friend. "I ascended...like Oma and Orlin."

"Right," Daniel scoffed reaching once more to bring the nearly empty bottle to his lips.

Jack concentrated all his anger on that bottle aiming it like he would a knife and suddenly, as if some invisible barrier had been removed, the bottle shattered. "I said cut it out, Daniel!"

Daniel's gaze moved from the broken neck of the bottle still in his hand to the apparent hallucination in front of him then back again before finally returning to the figure in front of him. "Jack?" Daniel asked with no small amount of disbelief and wonder in his voice.

"Yes, Daniel" Jack answered calmly.

"What are you doing here?" Daniel asked trying to decide if the label 'ghost' fit his friend best.

"Checking up on you," Jack replied. "Look, Daniel, I need you to do something for me."

"Teal'c and I'll look after Sam," Daniel instantly promised.

"Good to know, but I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself, Daniel" Jack replied. "If you are going to look after her though, I'd much prefer it if you did it sober."

"Right," Daniel agreed finally dropping the bottle. "Have you seen Sam?" he asked curiously.

Jack nodded. "She couldn't see me," Jack admitted.

"Why not?" Daniel questioned.

"She wasn't drunk out of her mind," O'Neill teased lightly.

"Umm," Daniel hedged.

"It's alright, Danny boy" Jack assured him.

"What should I tell her?" Daniel asked Jack.

"Whatever you think you should," Jack replied before turning absolutely serious. "Daniel, I don't think it's a coincidence that this happened to me now."

"What do you mean, Jack?" Daniel asked desperately trying to shake off the fog of alcohol.

"It's just a feeling I've got," Jack admitted. "Just...keep your eyes open, Danny. Oh, and if they don't believe you actually saw me tell Jacob the guest bed would have been more comfortable than the rocking chair."

"Huh?"

"Just remember, Daniel" Jack ordered impatiently.


End file.
